Papal conclave picks elderly white guy to be pope. I apologise for not being astonished.
I’m not a Roman Catholic so I don’t have a pony in the papal race and really don’t care much who they choose to succeed the retiring Benedict (my strong preference would be a black woman but apparently there aren’t any available to stand). However, I do have a handy suggestion that would raise the profile of the papacy, make people take more notice and just generally modernise the whole shebang. Whoever gets the nod, gets to rename himself, right? So instead of John Paul III or Benedict XVII or Pius “n” (where “n” is a large, positive integer), he should call himself Whizzy Wizzle Donkey Burger. Or something similar, I’m not wedded to WWDB, I’m flexible. But something a bit more, well, fun.